309 – Kolchak: The Night Stalker – They Have Been They Are They Will Be

Invisible extraterrestrials have come to Chicago to steal our lead and our bone marrow.

Can Carl Kolchak overcome the forces of the US Government to break the story of a lifetime?

Simon and Eugene discuss They Have Been They Are They Will Be.

4 thoughts on “309 – Kolchak: The Night Stalker – They Have Been They Are They Will Be”

  1. I’m heartened that Simon found this episode (relatively) entertaining, however I consider it to be the equal worst episode. It starts well, with the mysteries at the zoo and dematerialising lead ingots, but quickly descends into no-budget nonsense. Still, it does have zero murdered prostitutes.

    It’s so cute that the scriptwriter thought a mid-70s stereo contains electronics useful in repairing a starship.

    Why would aliens who can dematerialise two tons of lead need a condemned house to stash their booty of stolen microwave ovens?

    Vincenzo’s waiter! He was Fritz Feld! The guy from the galactic department store who goes “POP!” on Lost in Space! (Well … I thought it was cool)

    Did constructing the flying saucer use up all the budget, meaning we didn’t get to see the cops vs aliens battle outside the planetarium?

    I’m not entirely sure it was deliberate, but the best gag in the episode was the UFO nerd with the parabolic antenna going “I will now address you in Mathematico – the Universal Language – AAAARRRRGH!”

    That UFO probably has a bitchin’ 8-track in it now.

    1. I don’t think it’s too far-fetched to believe that a 70’s stereo could help rebuild a spaceship. I’m certain that stereo equipment in the 70’s were marketed as being a technological miracle of the space age.

      No spoilers now, but please make sure you tell us when we hit your other equal worst episode. I’ve been shocked at how, “that episode is the best! NO! That episode is the worst!” that Night Stalker fans are.

      I got a laugh at the Mathematico line, too, but the laughter was a bit nervous, because it hit very close to home for the sort of things that the crowd I ran with would say. (Not ME, of course.)

  2. Upon reflection, I was wrong. This episode is not the equal worst, although it does hover near the bottom. It has a good setup but fails to stick the landing.

    The equal worst episodes (still a way off in the distance) are one which brutally insults its audience’s intelligence, and one which commits the crime of just being plain dull. I’ll flag them when they arrive. Thankfully, the good episodes significantly outweigh the bad.

    I reserve the right to dramatically revise my opinions as we proceed through the series.

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